


She's Better

by Altima



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I add julie/luke bc its there if you squint?, Light Angst, after the season finale (but ignoring the caleb and nick stuff), also?, but i still made her sad, i joke i just impulsively write, i love jules, i love ships but writing them? thats above my pay grade, i thought it was worth mentioning, if you guys read and think tagging the ship is a stretch lemme know, making sad times is easy, not really shippy, she's precious, the comfort after? jeez that's what's hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:00:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Altima/pseuds/Altima
Summary: Julie is just tired.orEven if Julie got new friends and her music back, sometimes she still gets sad.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 180





	She's Better

**Author's Note:**

> brace yourselves! i'm still new so don't expect a masterpiece. if you're reading this even after my trainwreck of a tag list, wow. just wow. kudos to you.

Sometimes, Julie is just tired.

She doesn’t know what set her off today.

Maybe, it was the nightmare she had about losing the boys. (She sees the way they look when they’re reminded. In those moments, they look as haunted as she does. It gives her brain plenty of ammunition for nightmares.) Maybe, it was the sting from her dad looking at her like she can break at any moment. (He hasn’t looked at her like that in _so long_. Maybe, he knew today was going to lead to a breakdown.) Maybe, it was the way Carrie’s words hit a little too close to home. (They’ve started echoing her own insecurities sometimes.) Maybe, it was the way she saw Flynn walking on eggshells around her, giving her flashbacks to her year without music. (She can’t imagine doing so now, but the lump in her throat makes it feel like it’s her only option.)

She doesn’t _get it_. Everything’s been going good, _great_ even. The band’s been a hit. Her grades are even better than before. Things have even been going well for Carlos, Flynn, and her dad. Sure, sometimes, she’ll forget that her mom’s gone, like when she’ll turn to look for her after a great run on the piano, wanting to see the pride shine on her face and get a hair ruffle with an _I knew you could do it mija!_ But, she always catches herself before anyone can figure out what she’s doing, she’s not _obvious_. Plus, those days span from few and far between. Sure, they hurt, and she wants to lock herself in her room under her covers because of the brutal reminder that _her mom’s not there anymore _. So, why does she still have days, where breathing feels like pressure, trying to force her to stay in bed all day? She feels as though she’s trudging through molasses, as if she’s looking through a fog, on those days. But, she won’t tell anyone about that, because she’s _better_. Why is she still struggling with this? She’s started playing music again, everyone keeps saying it, she’s _happy now_. __

____

____

(She knows deep down that isn’t something that can heal with her just finding her music again. But, _why not?_ Music’s become her lifeline, it’s her connection to her mother. She shouldn’t be looking to the past anymore. She’s grieved. It’s _over, isn’t it_ ?) 

_She’s better_. Maybe, if she repeats it like a mantra, she can convince everyone that she’s _fine_. 

(Sometimes, she senses the guys glancing at each other, behind her back or over her shoulders. She gains a deep sadness when she realizes that they’re worried for her when what they went through is _so much worse_.) 

Whatever it was that turned her switch from tired to snapping, she knows that the guys weren’t expecting it. At any other time, their reaction to her abrupt end to the song would make her fall into giggles. Alex’s drumsticks fly out of his hands as he notices her shaking. Reggie almost trips over air at the mood shift surrounding her. After accidentally making a screeching riff, Luke looks at her suddenly in pure fear, before schooling his features into something more situation appropriate. She knows she didn’t do anything drastic, each one of them has cut into their practice dramatically at times when inspiration has struck, so her just stopping mid-song shouldn’t have freaked them out as much as it did. She didn’t expect them to be treating her as everyone else has all day, considering how much newer their friendships are. She thought something had been off, they must’ve sensed it too. 

Alex, ever the tactful one, is the one to breach the silence, “...Julie? Are you-” 

Before he can finish the sentence, before she knows it, she’s running out of the studio to shouts of her name. 

She’s not aware of where her feet are taking her as she detours down the street. Simultaneously blurred by tears and only able to hear the sounds of her own harsh breathing, she’s rushing away from her house. She doesn’t know if the boys are following her. She doesn’t realize their shouts get louder as she starts to lose them. She doesn’t notice the mop of brown hair that does a double-take as she runs by. (Subconsciously she wonders why she’s even running, the boys can poof anywhere. In the same second she thinks, how can they know where to poof if she doesn't even know where she’s going?) 

By the time she’s aware again, she realizes she’s in the alley behind the Orpheum. She doesn’t understand why that makes her want to sob harder until she remembers it’s the last place her mother gave her a sign. She responds to that realization by sliding against a brick wall and shoving her head between her knees, hoping everything would just _stop_. She wants a moment to just think. 

A can gets kicked ahead of her in the alley and she freezes. _Oh my gosh, I just ran out here all alone and I’m in an alley about to get ax-murdered._ But, when she looks up, she freezes again for an entirely other reason. Because Luke is standing in front of her, and his eyes look so soft. But at the same time, they look so sad with understanding, and it makes her want to cry harder. 

“Don’t!” She croaks. “I’m fine! I just- ”, she cuts herself off as her words dry up. Her vision blurs again and then he’s right in front of her, holding her arms like she’s about to break. He looks even sadder than before, eyes shining with understanding, sadness, and other things she can't name. 

“Jules, breathe. We can figure it out.” Luke’s trying not to panic, he had a hunch that she’d come here after she told them about her mom’s sign, but Willie practically confirmed it when he told Alex he saw her going past him on the street. He hopes the guys double back here when their spots are found empty. 

Julie mumbles and Luke strains to hear her. At his look of confusion, she repeats, “I had a bad day.” She continues, “I just, I had a nightmare and then everyone is treating me like glass. And I’m tired of it.” Before Luke can reply, they hear the others poof behind them. 

“Julie! You’re here! We found you!”, Reggie says as Alex rolls his eyes at him. They both look at the position Luke and Julie are in and mirror their positions. Once they’re seated, the questions start. 

“Are you okay?”  
“Did someone say something to you?”  
“Did we do something wrong?”  
“Did you get hurt?”  
“What happened?” 

“Guys! Stop!” Luke interrupts. “Jules, why don’t you start from the top?” he says while giving her a light smile. 

As she looks at him she thinks, _Maybe it won’t be too bad, they’ll understand that it was a one-time thing._ But, even as she thinks that Julie can tell this has been a long time coming. 

“It was a bunch of things, it’s dumb. I shouldn’t have flipped over nothing.” Julie sighs trying to deflect. 

“Hey,” Alex starts, “It’s your feelings, it’s not dumb. And it’s definitely not nothing.” He says as he holds her hand in support. 

She breathes in deep, “Okay, um, I thought I was over it?” she tries, and based on their look at each other she knows they don’t understand. 

“My mom,” she whispers, as the boys all stiffen as a new wave of tears start, “I thought I was _better_. I thought it wasn’t going to hurt anymore. I’m happy, right? But why does it still hurt so much?” Once she starts, it all pours out of her, onto the concrete between them, “Sometimes,” she shudders, “I _forget_ , how can I - what kind of daughter - how can I _forget_? I say I’ll always reach her through my music, but how? If I turn to look for her and forget? And then, there'll be days like today, where I just want to stop, and I can’t. I can’t think, and everyone’s waiting for me to shatter. I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be better. But, it’s _hard_. I thought I was fine? But, now. I can’t- I can’t catch up, everything is so fast and then I can’t breathe- and, and-”. 

Suddenly Luke grabs her shoulders, and turns her towards him from where her gaze was to the floor, “Julie, first off, breathe. You are an amazing person. Ray knows this, we know this. Second, we’ve seen my parents,” Julie inhales sharply when he pauses. “It took them _25 years_ to find some kind of closure, to not completely submerge themselves in grief every day. It’s okay if you’re not okay, you don’t have to be.” 

“She was your mom,” Alex continues for Luke, “she was a huge part of you. It’s okay to have days where it’s hard. But also, you should not burden yourself by trying to dedicate yourself to keeping her memory alive 24/7. She’d want you to live your life. You can be happy one moment and sad the next. Just because things are good doesn’t mean you can’t be sad too. But, you don’t have to carry this alone.” 

“Yeah, Julie,” Reggie chimes in, “You have us, and we haven’t been perfect either. We can all support each other. All of us are sad sometimes, and that’s cool because we all went through sad stuff. That doesn’t go away instantly, they’re watching you because they want to help you. Just like you help us.” He finishes with his infamous happy puppy look. 

They all pause after that, waiting to see how she’ll react. Just when Luke thinks they didn’t say enough, she lets out a sob that breaks his heart. Luke immediately starts mentally panicking, but then she’s leaping to embrace them. 

“Thank you,” she gets out. “I just- I was- I didn’t know what to-” and stops herself as she cries in their arms. “I love you guys, I really do.” At her words, the boys share a look of relief. 

They stay like that for a while, Julie arms around Reggie and Alex, face buried in Luke’s chest, each boy with their arms around her and each other. 

With a gasp, Reggie raises his head, “Guys, you know what this calls for?” 

As they all look up, the boys shout, “Movie night!” 

“And cuddles!” Reggie pouts, “That’s the best part!” 

As they all get up and Julie heads for the exits of the alley, Luke calls, “Julie?” Once she turns to look at them, Luke’s arms around Reggie and Alex’s shoulders, all beaming. “We love you too.” 

Her heart flutters as she sees the sadness replaced with warmth in Luke's gaze. As she looks at them, while they run to catch up to her. She smiles while thinking _I am better, but not because of music. It’s because of them._

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it, please comment! especially if they're tips on how to write comfort because the ending felt a little rushed. hope you enjoyed it! and if you didn't please don't say anything.
> 
> also, guys, don't compare your emotions to anyone else's everyone has different struggles and emotional tolerances, just cause one person went through something "worse" doesn't mean your feelings are invalid. also, don't be afraid to reach out to people you know, it's okay to be pressured to be stressed, what's not okay is bottling or repressing your emotions, it's not healthy. 
> 
> anyway, have a nice day!!


End file.
